Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
