i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
