Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My ass is underappreciated
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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