The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
