She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
