WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
