STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
