i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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