saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
