is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
