Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
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I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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