dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dear god my vagina.
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