Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Girls should come with a carfax report
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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