Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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