I would go down on you faster than GM stock
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
