I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you never un-have a 4some
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
