Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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