let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
