I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
