Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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