i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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