thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
