So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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