I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
