So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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