I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
