Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
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If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.