I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
