My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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