Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
