Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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