I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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