some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
