You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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