I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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