I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
