Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
