we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
