I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize