chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
