I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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