Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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