my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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