I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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