You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My penis needs a shock collar
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
