am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
