My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
