i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
