Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
