so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
