i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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