just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
