Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
