If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
