Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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