Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

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(626): View more from California

He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!

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(319): View more from Iowa

Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?

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(573): View more from Missouri

Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?

(816): View more from Missouri

Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Just make sure you put pants on

(1-937): View more from Ohio

....then im not going

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