this beer tastes like vomit already
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
