I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
