just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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