someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
