My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
