____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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