Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
