This is not my ceiling
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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