How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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