Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
